Courage and Freedom
We’ve all been there – sitting in a meeting, out with colleagues, at a family dinner – when you witness someone saying or doing something that makes you cringe. Maybe it’s an offhand comment, domination of a conversation, a pointed opinion bluntly delivered, or a bold act that seems to say, “I don’t care what anyone else thinks.” You feel your judgments rush in, “How crude! How arrogant! So unprofessional! So insensitive! How can they be so oblivious? Why don’t they care?” Dig a little deeper and you might recognize something else stirring. Beneath our judgments often lurks a secret yearning, a desire to be as unfiltered, as unburdened by self-censorship as those we label “too much.” Part of you wishes for that freedom to speak your truth without the constant nagging voice of self-censorship urging you, “Stay safe. Stay quiet. Don’t risk being shamed. Don’t give them a reason to judge you. Don’t say something stupid” This discomfort—anxiety in the chest, tightness in your throat, guilt for wanting to speak out or stand out, shame, fear of being ostracized—is all too real. But what if I told you this tension is good – it is a rite of passage, and an invitation to growth. That painful threshold is on your hero’s quest for personal freedom, confidence, and agency over your life. In childhood and early adolescence, survival depends upon our ability to learn how belong by pleasing others, not disrupting the family, know your place, and hiding our truest selves when necessary. But adulthood holds a special privilege: the freedom and authority to speak and be as we truly are. Some embrace this boldly, unafraid of the consequences, compelled to speak their truth regardless of whether it pleases or provokes. Sometimes, they speak their ‘truth’ even when its patently false (they must have their reasons). They have not banished fear but have chosen not to be ruled by it. “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.” ~Franklin D. Roosevelt So how do we cross that threshold from fear to courage? How do we speak our truth – or an unpopular fact – honestly, while holding onto humility, and empathy? How do we use our life experience and strength to lift others up and heal rather than wound? Here are some steps for speaking-up in your pursuit of personal freedom: 1. Allow yourself to feel your discomfort fully. It’s a sign you care. Intentionally make time to wallow. Feel and label the anxiety, the shame of being noticed, the fear of being singled out and rejected, mocked, or ejected. The feelings coming from you to you are real and important so let them be your teacher urging you forward. What is the message? What is your clearest worry you have the opportunity to overcome? What’s your next step? 2. Check your intent. Before speaking, ask yourself, “Am I responding or reacting? Is what I’m about to say true? Will it build up or break down? Authentic expression can shock, provoke, and enlighten; it doesn’t have to shred others. Boldness is not about trampling others. It’s about honest expression that respects yourself and the listeners. 3. Permit imperfection: Boldness can be messy. Boldness can inspire. Mistakes will be made; someone will be hurt or angered. Humility means owning your impact, apologizing when needed, and continuing to show up with ownership of your right to be heard. 4. Connect for its own sake, not for approval: Your job isn’t to be liked by all, but to build honest bridges where you can. Good relationships can go sour. Past adversaries can become allies. Treat others with respect and demand the same in return by showing up in full. Over time, these relationships become part of your robust network – your community. In short, growth involves discomfort. The fearful pulse in your chest prepares you for a choice: Is it a warning to retreat? Is it a signal that you are walking toward a new frontier in your life, breaking old ways of being? When you risk speaking up (or writing) honestly, with situational awareness and compassion, you become the hero of your own story—a story that starts with discomfort and ends with true agency, integrity, connection, and personal freedom. Embrace your voice, speak up about what you know because the world needs it, and you need it to RYP (reach your potential). Beth Masterman is an executive and leadership coach specializing in the human experience of leadership. Turn your trepidations into trampolines to greatness.
